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<title>Goldilocks and the Three Real Bears by thatfanficguy</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408087">Goldilocks and the Three Real Bears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfanficguy/pseuds/thatfanficguy'>thatfanficguy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Goldilocks and the Three Bears (Fairy Tale), Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Gore, Fairy Tale Retellings, Flash Fic, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:07:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfanficguy/pseuds/thatfanficguy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A flash fiction piece retelling Goldilocks and the Three Bears.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Goldilocks and the Three Real Bears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Don't take this too seriously because I didn't take this too seriously writing it. This is the first thing I'm posting, too. More to come, both original and fanfic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There once was a house in a forest. This house was a cave, because the owners were bears. There was a father bear, a mother bear, and a baby bear. They were brown, fuzzy, and large. These bears were a family, and most of the time they were very calm.</p><p>	Then one day, this little shit disturber named Goldilocks came and decided to ruin everything. She was a “hiker,” in the sense that she took long walks through the woods ever so often; specifically, she took walks through areas labelled with very special signs- signs that start with “No” and end with “Trespassing.” </p><p>	So, Goldilocks found herself in the cave, with three bears sleeping peacefully. In the middle of the cave, she saw a big pile of meat. Now, Goldilocks loved meat. So, she started to take the meat because hey: who passes up on some free meat? No one, that’s who. Except for vegans, but we all know that most vegans are a little crazy.</p><p>	Goldilocks was having a good time with her meat, when it all went horribly wrong. Goldilocks, entranced by the massive quantities of raw animal protein, forgot one key detail about bears. They have ears and can hear when some stupid hipster is taking their food. </p><p>	So, the bears awoke, and began to politely explai-</p><p>	Hah, that’s what you thought. No, they didn’t. They took their giant claws and bear teeth and gored her beyond recognition. You could barely call what was left of her a person. Goldilocks is dead because she trespassed in a bear cave. The end.</p>
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